"Don't Let Impotence Ruin Your Sex Life"
Riding the subway in New York City is always an adventure, you never know what kind of creatures you will encounter. If you ride the subway enough (as I’m sure most of you do), then you’ve no doubt seen the drunken, passed out guy with puke and/or shit all over him. Or what about the paranoid woman with the buggy eyes that keeps her purse so close to her chest that you’d think she’s breast feeding it? My personal favorite is the Bible-thumping crazy people that yell and scream in indecipherable accents about how we all need to repent before the world ends...next Tuesday. Does anyone else wonder how these people pay rent? What do they do when they are not preaching about the end of the world on the E train? Do all the Bible-thumpers know each other? Do they meet regularly to brainstorm about their message, so they are being consistent? Is there a Bible-thumpers union that has to negotiate with the “one-armed homeless guy” union over territorial rights on the subway lines? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Last night I had a moment of Subway Zen, actually it was more like subway irony, but Zen sounds much more catchy. So I’m on the train going to meet some friends out for a few drinks and there’s this guy sitting across from me. At first glance, he seems like your typical Johnny Cool Balls, bridge and tunnel asshole that just walked off the PATH train. You’ve seen this guy before. That guy with the slicked back hair, the striped button-up shirt that’s only half buttoned, and a look on his face like he’s too good for the subway, but he really needs to save the eight bucks he would be spending on cab fare so he can start the night off with a vodka-tonic before progressing to his typical $4 Bud Lights.
So there we are, Johnny Cool Balls and I trying not to violate the unspoken rules of the subway and make eye contact with each other, when I notice that the guy is wearing brown loafers, no socks and has his jeans rolled up a good three times. What?!? Who does this? Does he think that makes him look cool? Did he see an American Eagle advertisement last week with some dude rocking the rolled-up jeans, no sock-wearing loafers look while fishing in Montana or what?
My moment of irony, you might ask? The very next moment I notice that Johnny was sitting directly under an ad that read, “Don’t let impotence ruin your sex life.” I couldn’t help but think that impotence was the last thing this American Eagle-looking asshole had to worry about ruining his sex life.
My drunken, random thought for the day.
Last night I had a moment of Subway Zen, actually it was more like subway irony, but Zen sounds much more catchy. So I’m on the train going to meet some friends out for a few drinks and there’s this guy sitting across from me. At first glance, he seems like your typical Johnny Cool Balls, bridge and tunnel asshole that just walked off the PATH train. You’ve seen this guy before. That guy with the slicked back hair, the striped button-up shirt that’s only half buttoned, and a look on his face like he’s too good for the subway, but he really needs to save the eight bucks he would be spending on cab fare so he can start the night off with a vodka-tonic before progressing to his typical $4 Bud Lights.
So there we are, Johnny Cool Balls and I trying not to violate the unspoken rules of the subway and make eye contact with each other, when I notice that the guy is wearing brown loafers, no socks and has his jeans rolled up a good three times. What?!? Who does this? Does he think that makes him look cool? Did he see an American Eagle advertisement last week with some dude rocking the rolled-up jeans, no sock-wearing loafers look while fishing in Montana or what?
My moment of irony, you might ask? The very next moment I notice that Johnny was sitting directly under an ad that read, “Don’t let impotence ruin your sex life.” I couldn’t help but think that impotence was the last thing this American Eagle-looking asshole had to worry about ruining his sex life.
My drunken, random thought for the day.
posted by NYC Drunk Guy at 3:39 PM
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