NYC Hook-Up Fantasy Game
The weather might not be reflective of it, but summer is upon us and we all know what that means. That’s right sports fans, the three sacred months between Memorial Day and Labor Day mark the official hook-up season in the NYC area. Like cockroaches scurrying out of the crevasses of the subway after a train has past, when Memorial Day weekend arrives the women in this city seem to wake up from their winter hibernation and start wearing less and drinking more. This, of course, leads to copious amounts of fornication and good times are had by all.
Getting laid in this city during that 100 day time frame is like playing dodge ball against first-graders, it’s still fun, but there’s really no challenge in it. I’m convinced that even the cabbies in this city get laid during the summer (think about that, the next time it’s 3:55 AM and you’re considering taking the chubby bar skank you’ve been talking to for the last hour home for a spin...just go to Ben’s Pizza and call it a night instead man, your stomach and your pride will thank me for it in the morning).
So feeling as if hooking up in the summer becomes less of an art form and more of a right of passage, I’ve come up with a hook-up game to make things a little more interesting. For all of you NFL football junkies that are dying because it’s a good three months before your fantasy football draft, this one’s for you. Get your buddies together this weekend, crack some beers and set your own ground rules. Here are some of my proposed “house rules” to get you started. (Note to all of my female and gay male readers: sorry these rules don’t apply to you...you could get laid on the subway if you felt like it, but please feel free to keep reading)
Setting the Stage:
• Season starts on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and ends the Monday night of Labor Day (roughly 100 days)
• Leagues can consist of two to ten “Players”
• Scoring is on the honor system, so only allow “Players” in the league that you trust
• Prizes can vary, but I would suggest a winner-take-all pot with a $100 entry fee per “Player” and some kind of golden penis trophy(might be a good touch). I’d also suggest some form of “prize” for the person that finishes in last place; this keeps the game interesting for all involved throughout the summer...something humiliating like wearing a dress out with the buddies on a Saturday night.
• The definition of “hooking-up” needs to be clearly defined before the game can begin, as you can imagine the endless number of grey-area cases (e.g. does “just the tip” count, etc.)
• Hook-ups can only be counted once. This means if the girl you hook-up with becomes your booty call or girlfriend, you're done...so act accordingly.
• Unlike Major League Baseball, the use of performance enhancing drugs is strictly forbidden. This consists of drugs that might be personally taken or given to others. I might have a sick mind, but I’m not a rapist.
Scoring System:
• Any single girl hook-up (+1 point)
• If she has natural red hair or if she’s Asian (+2 points)
• Bar waitress (+2 points)
• If she’s married (+3 points)
• If she’s a bride-to-be at her bachelorette party (+4 points)
• Female bartender - the holy grail of the bar hook-up (+5 points)
Bonuses and half points:
• If another Player in your league has already hooked up with her that season (+half the points from the system above)
• Threesomes, or two hook-ups at the same time (+3 bonus points from the system above)
• If she’s over 40 years of age or more than 7 years your senior (half the points above - younger guy factor...or old desperate factor)
• If she’s more than 7 years your junior...and of course no younger than 18 (+2 bonus points from the system above)
• If you’re at a bar or met her at a bar in Connecticut (double the points from the system above) - prudes
• If you’re at a bar or met her at a bar in New Jersey (half the points from the system above) - this should be self-explanatory
• If she’s Puerto Rican (+half the points from above)
The “Player” with the most points at the end of the season wins. Easy as that. Have fun, remember to wear your jims, and be careful out there. Happy gaming fellas.
NYCDG
Getting laid in this city during that 100 day time frame is like playing dodge ball against first-graders, it’s still fun, but there’s really no challenge in it. I’m convinced that even the cabbies in this city get laid during the summer (think about that, the next time it’s 3:55 AM and you’re considering taking the chubby bar skank you’ve been talking to for the last hour home for a spin...just go to Ben’s Pizza and call it a night instead man, your stomach and your pride will thank me for it in the morning).
So feeling as if hooking up in the summer becomes less of an art form and more of a right of passage, I’ve come up with a hook-up game to make things a little more interesting. For all of you NFL football junkies that are dying because it’s a good three months before your fantasy football draft, this one’s for you. Get your buddies together this weekend, crack some beers and set your own ground rules. Here are some of my proposed “house rules” to get you started. (Note to all of my female and gay male readers: sorry these rules don’t apply to you...you could get laid on the subway if you felt like it, but please feel free to keep reading)
Setting the Stage:
• Season starts on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and ends the Monday night of Labor Day (roughly 100 days)
• Leagues can consist of two to ten “Players”
• Scoring is on the honor system, so only allow “Players” in the league that you trust
• Prizes can vary, but I would suggest a winner-take-all pot with a $100 entry fee per “Player” and some kind of golden penis trophy(might be a good touch). I’d also suggest some form of “prize” for the person that finishes in last place; this keeps the game interesting for all involved throughout the summer...something humiliating like wearing a dress out with the buddies on a Saturday night.
• The definition of “hooking-up” needs to be clearly defined before the game can begin, as you can imagine the endless number of grey-area cases (e.g. does “just the tip” count, etc.)
• Hook-ups can only be counted once. This means if the girl you hook-up with becomes your booty call or girlfriend, you're done...so act accordingly.
• Unlike Major League Baseball, the use of performance enhancing drugs is strictly forbidden. This consists of drugs that might be personally taken or given to others. I might have a sick mind, but I’m not a rapist.
Scoring System:
• Any single girl hook-up (+1 point)
• If she has natural red hair or if she’s Asian (+2 points)
• Bar waitress (+2 points)
• If she’s married (+3 points)
• If she’s a bride-to-be at her bachelorette party (+4 points)
• Female bartender - the holy grail of the bar hook-up (+5 points)
Bonuses and half points:
• If another Player in your league has already hooked up with her that season (+half the points from the system above)
• Threesomes, or two hook-ups at the same time (+3 bonus points from the system above)
• If she’s over 40 years of age or more than 7 years your senior (half the points above - younger guy factor...or old desperate factor)
• If she’s more than 7 years your junior...and of course no younger than 18 (+2 bonus points from the system above)
• If you’re at a bar or met her at a bar in Connecticut (double the points from the system above) - prudes
• If you’re at a bar or met her at a bar in New Jersey (half the points from the system above) - this should be self-explanatory
• If she’s Puerto Rican (+half the points from above)
The “Player” with the most points at the end of the season wins. Easy as that. Have fun, remember to wear your jims, and be careful out there. Happy gaming fellas.
NYCDG
posted by NYC Drunk Guy at 12:24 AM
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