Hot at Work

OK, so I’m not quite sure how to handle this, but I’ll do the best I can in my 1:45AM drunken state. I went out tonight with this group of people from work to grab a few “end of the week” beverages. A few hours and several drinks later, the group had dwindled from five to just two: myself and another co-worker at the same organizational level. It’s her birthday tomorrow and so she had been hitting the sauce pretty hard...being that we were all buying her drinks.

Let me interject here by saying that I’m fairly new at this company and I’m still trying to get a feel for the people in my department as well as the people that report to me (yes, I have people under me on the organizational ladder...scary isn’t it?)

So there we are, just myself and this girl from work. She’s fairly attractive normally and very attractive after about eight Jack and Cokes...especially when we just stepped in to another bar to get away from the rain and her wet breasts are practically falling out of the shirt she’s wearing and she’s got this “fresh out of the shower” looking wet hair...but I digress. It’s getting pretty late and so we decided to close out our tab and head home (as I have a full day of barbequing and drinking ahead of me tomorrow before the Pearl Jam show).

So I’m walking her to her train - like the gentleman that I am - and all of a sudden this drunk co-worker of mine starts telling me about how “hot” I am and how she’s talked to several other women in the department (one of whom happens to be my report) and they also think I’m “hot” as well. Unbelievable. How the hell am I supposed to react to this?

[Sidebar: Anyone who knows me, knows that I try the best I can do delineate work and my social life. Don’t get me wrong, I go out boozing with people from work often, but I don’t (or at least try really hard not to) dip my pen in the company ink. I did that once at the last place I worked and wound up getting thrown into ths bizarre love triangle because the girl I was banging turned out to be a psycho, schizophrenic, pathological liar with a boyfriend (unbeknownst to me)...so I try to avoid those situations.]

It gets better. We finally arrive at her subway stop and she starts saying things like “this is your train too, right?” Then I realize that this drunken co-worker of mine is actually trying to trick me into going home with her and believe me, had I had a couple more drinks I probably would have. However, the sober half of those eight Jack and Cokes spoke to me and told me that I would regret that decision come the Monday morning staff meeting. So I gracefully bowed out, told her to have a safe trip home and got the hell out of there.

By the way, I don’t know where all of this restraint has come from, but in the last seven days I have passed up a hot (although annoying and badly dressed) Jersey slut and now I’m walking away from a co-worker whom I would have given the business to for the rest of the evening. Seriously, what’s wrong with me? Fuck.

How many “points” would a co-worker be worth anyway? I think two is about right. I mean there are numerous HR sensitivities that you have to negotiate before even getting to the point of hooking up. Then, once you have overcome the potential sexual harassment hurdles, you have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing that person on a daily basis. Actually now that I think of it, three points is probably more appropriate, but only if she works on your floor or is in your own department. Fuck.

The shitiest thing about how I decided to end my evening? I’m too far from Ben’s Pizza to even grab a slice before passing out. If you haven’t noticed, I only have two true loves in life, two things that will always be there for me no matter how fucked up things get: New York City and a late night slice. The rest is just details. Until next time...

NYCDG