Pluto
The course of human history was completely changed the other day. I’m serious, the world as we know it today is completely different than it was yesterday and second graders and school administrators alike are scrambling to get their heads around these changes.
If you subscribe to Stephen Hawking’s teachings then you probably know that the universe is expanding. While this may be true, leading astronomers have recently made a decision that's shrinking our solar system. That’s right, Thursday, August 24th was a dark day in the history of the planet Pluto as it’s status as a planet in our solar system was officially downgraded to “planetoid” category. In baseball speak, that’s like being sent down to Triple A ball.
I just have one question:
WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK???!!!!
I’m serious. This was main story news on CNN.com for pretty much the entire work day. You know what the headline should have read? It should have read:
“Scientists Reveal They Have Too Much Time on Their Hands”
I mean these are grown men who have dedicated their lives to studying Astrophysics, sitting in a room debating whether or not Pluto is actually large enough to constitute a plant or whether we should pull the “Indian giver” on Pluto’s planet title.
Will someone please explain to me how this changes anything? I mean, I’m sure that this decision is a huge blow to the psyche of Plutonians. I’m sure that psychiatrists on Pluto will start to charge higher rates due to increases in demand for their service. And no doubt there will be an influx of migration to Uranus. Go back and read that last sentence again.
Wait for it...wait...OK.
Sorry, I just had to soak up the moment because I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to tie in a reference to Uranus ever again...and yes, I know that Neptune is the closest planet to Pluto. I digress.
For me, this whole revelation made me think about what astronomers do when they aren’t meeting in Eastern Europe to discuss completely erroneous matters. Here’s a quick list of what I came up with:
• Play Magic the Gathering with interns and grad students
• Mail order brides from Asia
• Shop online for the fall line of pocket protectors
• Attend Star Trek conventions
• Masturbate to supernovas (nature’s version of “the money shot”)
Must’ve been a slow news day. Hey, given the alternative, I’ll take a planet downgrade on CNN any day of the week.
And then there were eight...
NYCDG
If you subscribe to Stephen Hawking’s teachings then you probably know that the universe is expanding. While this may be true, leading astronomers have recently made a decision that's shrinking our solar system. That’s right, Thursday, August 24th was a dark day in the history of the planet Pluto as it’s status as a planet in our solar system was officially downgraded to “planetoid” category. In baseball speak, that’s like being sent down to Triple A ball.
I just have one question:
WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK???!!!!
I’m serious. This was main story news on CNN.com for pretty much the entire work day. You know what the headline should have read? It should have read:
“Scientists Reveal They Have Too Much Time on Their Hands”
I mean these are grown men who have dedicated their lives to studying Astrophysics, sitting in a room debating whether or not Pluto is actually large enough to constitute a plant or whether we should pull the “Indian giver” on Pluto’s planet title.
Will someone please explain to me how this changes anything? I mean, I’m sure that this decision is a huge blow to the psyche of Plutonians. I’m sure that psychiatrists on Pluto will start to charge higher rates due to increases in demand for their service. And no doubt there will be an influx of migration to Uranus. Go back and read that last sentence again.
Wait for it...wait...OK.
Sorry, I just had to soak up the moment because I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to tie in a reference to Uranus ever again...and yes, I know that Neptune is the closest planet to Pluto. I digress.
For me, this whole revelation made me think about what astronomers do when they aren’t meeting in Eastern Europe to discuss completely erroneous matters. Here’s a quick list of what I came up with:
• Play Magic the Gathering with interns and grad students
• Mail order brides from Asia
• Shop online for the fall line of pocket protectors
• Attend Star Trek conventions
• Masturbate to supernovas (nature’s version of “the money shot”)
Must’ve been a slow news day. Hey, given the alternative, I’ll take a planet downgrade on CNN any day of the week.
And then there were eight...
NYCDG
posted by NYC Drunk Guy at 11:36 PM
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