Empty Seats
It’s almost 8:00 PM on a Monday night and I’m waiting for the F train to take me downtown to meet a friend for a few drinks. I’m in Rockefeller Center on the back end of rush hour so I’m expecting at least a semi-full train. Needless to say, I’ve written the possibility of finding a seat off long ago. When the train pulls up and the door open, much to my surprise, I see there are a ton of open seats in the middle of the car, yet several people are standing up around the area where I walked in. Whatever. I take two steps towards an empty seat when I discover the reason they are open in the first place. The middle of the subway car smells like rancid shit.
If you’ve lived in New York City for any length of time, I guarantee this has happened to you. The fattest bum I have ever seen is sitting by himself, lounged out in the middle of the open area. I’m not kidding, the guy smells like he’s spent the last month of his life at the bottom of the East River.
It’s at this point that I have a decision to make. I’ve already committed myself in front of 25 people by walking toward one of these open seats. I could turn around and find an open area to stand at the end of the car or I could suck it up and smell the not-so-sweet fragrances of a life on the streets...or in the dump, which is where it seems that this guy likes to spend most of his time. I take a quick glance toward the end of the car and it’s pretty obvious that the people down there are still within nose-shot of the unwanted stench. It’s at this point that I figure “fuck it” if these are the cards I’ve been dealt this evening I might as well take a seat at the table so I can see the action up close and personal.
[Sidebar: as I’m capturing this moment in prose on my Blackberry, the guy proceeds to stick his hand down his pants, wrist deep and is doing something “down there.” What, I don’t know...and really don’t want to know.]
You might think that after a long day at work, I would be pissed about having to endure the smell of warm, steamy shit for the next six subway stops, but I’m actually kind of enjoying myself. The best part about this whole situation is watching the reactions of the people that get in the car at each stop. First you get the looks of utter delight as they step into the car to discover there’s a dozen open seats on the train (a look I no doubt had on my face three minutes earlier). Then as the hot, putrid aromas enter their nasal passages and fill their lungs, a look of complete horror and disgust rushes over their faces as they realize they’ve just stepped into quite possibly the worst smelling subway car in the history of the world. It’s really quite amazing (and funny) to witness how human emotions can go from one end of the spectrum to another in the course of a few short seconds.
At the 23rd street stop one large, black woman actually takes one step into the car directly next to the bum and exclaims, “Jesus Christ! It smells like shit in here!” Without hesitation, she turns around and walks out. That’s one approach I suppose I never considered. To each their own.
I suppose the moral of this story is: approach empty seats on the subway during rush hour with caution.
NYCDG
If you’ve lived in New York City for any length of time, I guarantee this has happened to you. The fattest bum I have ever seen is sitting by himself, lounged out in the middle of the open area. I’m not kidding, the guy smells like he’s spent the last month of his life at the bottom of the East River.
It’s at this point that I have a decision to make. I’ve already committed myself in front of 25 people by walking toward one of these open seats. I could turn around and find an open area to stand at the end of the car or I could suck it up and smell the not-so-sweet fragrances of a life on the streets...or in the dump, which is where it seems that this guy likes to spend most of his time. I take a quick glance toward the end of the car and it’s pretty obvious that the people down there are still within nose-shot of the unwanted stench. It’s at this point that I figure “fuck it” if these are the cards I’ve been dealt this evening I might as well take a seat at the table so I can see the action up close and personal.
[Sidebar: as I’m capturing this moment in prose on my Blackberry, the guy proceeds to stick his hand down his pants, wrist deep and is doing something “down there.” What, I don’t know...and really don’t want to know.]
You might think that after a long day at work, I would be pissed about having to endure the smell of warm, steamy shit for the next six subway stops, but I’m actually kind of enjoying myself. The best part about this whole situation is watching the reactions of the people that get in the car at each stop. First you get the looks of utter delight as they step into the car to discover there’s a dozen open seats on the train (a look I no doubt had on my face three minutes earlier). Then as the hot, putrid aromas enter their nasal passages and fill their lungs, a look of complete horror and disgust rushes over their faces as they realize they’ve just stepped into quite possibly the worst smelling subway car in the history of the world. It’s really quite amazing (and funny) to witness how human emotions can go from one end of the spectrum to another in the course of a few short seconds.
At the 23rd street stop one large, black woman actually takes one step into the car directly next to the bum and exclaims, “Jesus Christ! It smells like shit in here!” Without hesitation, she turns around and walks out. That’s one approach I suppose I never considered. To each their own.
I suppose the moral of this story is: approach empty seats on the subway during rush hour with caution.
NYCDG
posted by NYC Drunk Guy at 9:00 PM
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