Women and Stereotypes
A friend of mine and I were talking yesterday over a few happy hour beers and the topic of women came up. I know, you’re shocked aren’t you? We started comparing notes on different types of women and it was interesting to find out that we had similar thoughts and experiences with each type.
It should also be noted that being the Gentile I am, I’ve never really considered myself a Jew-lover; however, my last two long-term girlfriends have been members of “The Tribe” (I guess I like being submissive, who knows). He, on the other hand, is Jewish and absolutely hates Jewish women. He can’t stand them...even the good looking ones with normal sized noses. His personal definition of hell is being stuck for the rest of his life with a Jewish girl that wears long jean shirts and Keds. He even went so far as to have his current (Gentile) girlfriend get rid of all the jean skirts she owns. I’m not joking.
Intrigued by our conversation, I decided to write down my personal take on various types of women. Keep in mind these are generalities based on my observations and experiences, but let’s be honest, there is a reason why generalities and stereotypes exist. More times than not, stereotypes accurately describe people. Do all black people like fried chicken and watermelon? Do all Asians drive foreign cars? Is every single white person incapable of holding a beat on the dance floor? No, no and no, but let’s just say the chances of those statements being true for any given black, Asian or white person are greater than the antithesis. So bear with me.
Blondes - Blondes have a party girl and porn star stigma associated with them; they know it, they take pride in it and they act accordingly. As such, they’re freaky, they’re shaved and they talk dirty. I’ve seriously heard things come out of a blonde’s mouth behind closed doors that would make Howard Stern blush. It also seems as if they tend to regulate themselves downstairs more than other girls, if you know what I mean (think George Costanza). I’m not exactly sure why this is, but I think it’s probably because blondes are more orally inclined than other types of girls...and where there’s a 6, there’s usually a 9 close by.
Brunettes - I love brunettes and they are freaking crazy in bed. I think it’s because subconsciously they feel they have something to prove. I mean, they don’t have the sexy stigma that blondes do or the novelty factor that comes with being an Asian or redheaded woman. Essentially brunettes are a dime a dozen and they need something to set them apart from their competition. This is where my MOP theory comes in to play. MOP is an acronym I coined (roughly five minutes ago) and stands for Most Orifices and Positions. This is pretty much self explanatory. If you want to get your pipes cleaned with a MOP, take a brunette home.
Asians - Two things about Asian women. (1) It’s really no joke, they have the most amazingly soft skin I have ever felt in my life and (2) they are very submissive and love...I mean LOVE to service their men in the sack. This translates to two things: BJs and doggy style. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but who really cares? Fact of the matter is that you’re going to get served. Take the most independent, self-confident Asian woman and get her in the bedroom and she turns into the Vietnamese chick from Full Metal Jacket, “me so horny, me love you long time.”
Redheads - Maybe it’s the Irish in me, but I’m a sucker for a sexy redhead (who isn’t, right?) with fair skin, pink nipples and the curtains to make the drapes. Redheads are fun, but tend to be much more conventional in the sack, so expect more missionary and less doggy.
Jews - I saw a poster ad for the Broadway Play Jewtopia the other day. The sub-heading on the poster read, “The story of a Gentile that wanted to marry a Jewish girl, so he’d never have to make another decision the rest of this life.” This is true in and out of the bedroom. Jewish chicks tell you what they want, when and how they want it. You better bring your “A game” because if you don’t perform up to their standards you will hear about it. Hell, even if you do, they’ll probably find something to complain about. Don’t get me wrong, they’re tons of fun, but proceed with caution.
Catholics - Guilt can be a good thing sometimes and when it comes to sleeping with a Catholic women this especially holds true. Come their next confession they know they are going to have to say 1,000 “Hail Marys” anyway, so they are going to make them count. If you happen to be taking a Catholic girl home, have a lot of condoms and Gatorade on hand and be prepared for a long night.
Blacks - I’ve never been with a black woman before, but from what I hear, if I had I wouldn’t be wasting my time writing about white girls.
Hispanics - I think Hispanic women get a bad rap. I mean so what if they are a little slutty and tend to fuck more than their other female counter parts? Give them a break, they are working against the genetic clock. You know what I’m talking about. The genetic clock that Hispanics have which counts down to some undefined point in their late 20s or early 30s when their metabolism comes to a screeching halt and they blow up like a balloon. It’s unfortunate, but in many cases inevitable that the Hispanic chick you’re banging who is currently filled out in all the right places will one day look like a Latina version of Nell Carter. I say drive a Porsche like a Porsche was meant to be driven before you have kids and have to trade it in for a station wagon.
And on that note, I’m off to do some drinking. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
NYCDG
It should also be noted that being the Gentile I am, I’ve never really considered myself a Jew-lover; however, my last two long-term girlfriends have been members of “The Tribe” (I guess I like being submissive, who knows). He, on the other hand, is Jewish and absolutely hates Jewish women. He can’t stand them...even the good looking ones with normal sized noses. His personal definition of hell is being stuck for the rest of his life with a Jewish girl that wears long jean shirts and Keds. He even went so far as to have his current (Gentile) girlfriend get rid of all the jean skirts she owns. I’m not joking.
Intrigued by our conversation, I decided to write down my personal take on various types of women. Keep in mind these are generalities based on my observations and experiences, but let’s be honest, there is a reason why generalities and stereotypes exist. More times than not, stereotypes accurately describe people. Do all black people like fried chicken and watermelon? Do all Asians drive foreign cars? Is every single white person incapable of holding a beat on the dance floor? No, no and no, but let’s just say the chances of those statements being true for any given black, Asian or white person are greater than the antithesis. So bear with me.
Blondes - Blondes have a party girl and porn star stigma associated with them; they know it, they take pride in it and they act accordingly. As such, they’re freaky, they’re shaved and they talk dirty. I’ve seriously heard things come out of a blonde’s mouth behind closed doors that would make Howard Stern blush. It also seems as if they tend to regulate themselves downstairs more than other girls, if you know what I mean (think George Costanza). I’m not exactly sure why this is, but I think it’s probably because blondes are more orally inclined than other types of girls...and where there’s a 6, there’s usually a 9 close by.
Brunettes - I love brunettes and they are freaking crazy in bed. I think it’s because subconsciously they feel they have something to prove. I mean, they don’t have the sexy stigma that blondes do or the novelty factor that comes with being an Asian or redheaded woman. Essentially brunettes are a dime a dozen and they need something to set them apart from their competition. This is where my MOP theory comes in to play. MOP is an acronym I coined (roughly five minutes ago) and stands for Most Orifices and Positions. This is pretty much self explanatory. If you want to get your pipes cleaned with a MOP, take a brunette home.
Asians - Two things about Asian women. (1) It’s really no joke, they have the most amazingly soft skin I have ever felt in my life and (2) they are very submissive and love...I mean LOVE to service their men in the sack. This translates to two things: BJs and doggy style. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but who really cares? Fact of the matter is that you’re going to get served. Take the most independent, self-confident Asian woman and get her in the bedroom and she turns into the Vietnamese chick from Full Metal Jacket, “me so horny, me love you long time.”
Redheads - Maybe it’s the Irish in me, but I’m a sucker for a sexy redhead (who isn’t, right?) with fair skin, pink nipples and the curtains to make the drapes. Redheads are fun, but tend to be much more conventional in the sack, so expect more missionary and less doggy.
Jews - I saw a poster ad for the Broadway Play Jewtopia the other day. The sub-heading on the poster read, “The story of a Gentile that wanted to marry a Jewish girl, so he’d never have to make another decision the rest of this life.” This is true in and out of the bedroom. Jewish chicks tell you what they want, when and how they want it. You better bring your “A game” because if you don’t perform up to their standards you will hear about it. Hell, even if you do, they’ll probably find something to complain about. Don’t get me wrong, they’re tons of fun, but proceed with caution.
Catholics - Guilt can be a good thing sometimes and when it comes to sleeping with a Catholic women this especially holds true. Come their next confession they know they are going to have to say 1,000 “Hail Marys” anyway, so they are going to make them count. If you happen to be taking a Catholic girl home, have a lot of condoms and Gatorade on hand and be prepared for a long night.
Blacks - I’ve never been with a black woman before, but from what I hear, if I had I wouldn’t be wasting my time writing about white girls.
Hispanics - I think Hispanic women get a bad rap. I mean so what if they are a little slutty and tend to fuck more than their other female counter parts? Give them a break, they are working against the genetic clock. You know what I’m talking about. The genetic clock that Hispanics have which counts down to some undefined point in their late 20s or early 30s when their metabolism comes to a screeching halt and they blow up like a balloon. It’s unfortunate, but in many cases inevitable that the Hispanic chick you’re banging who is currently filled out in all the right places will one day look like a Latina version of Nell Carter. I say drive a Porsche like a Porsche was meant to be driven before you have kids and have to trade it in for a station wagon.
And on that note, I’m off to do some drinking. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
NYCDG
posted by NYC Drunk Guy at 10:53 PM
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