Gay Dudes and Ballpark Disease

I went out last night with on of my best friends (and a group of his other friends) for his birthday. We go out to dinner, drinks and then head to a comedy club where we meet up with my friend’s brother and his brother’s, um,“boyfriend.” Whatever, I’m cool with all kinds of people, as long as you’re not French or Canadian...and god forbid if you’re French-Canadian, but that’s a topic for another blog post.

By the time the show is over we’d all had several cocktails and needed to hit the head before we left the club. So there I am standing in line to take a leak with my buddy and these two gay dudes whom I’d met for the first time no more than two hours ago, when I start to think about the dynamics of this situation. These guys are both dudes...they both fuck each other, but they are still both dudes. I can’t help but think of what kinds of issues this same situation would bring up if the roles were reversed.

Think about it. What would it be like for a straight guy to go to the bathroom with his girlfriend, which happened to be filled with other hot girls? Tell me you wouldn’t be tempted to look around, especially if something so small as a “splash guard” was the only thing between you and a hot blonde girl with big tits next to you.

Does this scenario ever bring up issues with gay guys? “Like, I totally saw you checking out that Cuban guy’s package while you were pissing. You like his Latin sausage better than mine, you little slut?” Shouldn’t the most feminine of the two in the gay partnership be allowed to go to the women’s restroom? Would anyone object to this? I mean they could help out the other females with their hair and make-up, they would probably compliment everyone’s shoes and they could even use some of their bathroom time to catch up on the latest episode of American Idol. I need to know these things.

This actually brings up another interesting topic, the idea of something I call “Ballpark Disease.” If you’re a female, you probably have no idea about this, but there are a significant number of guys that have a fear about pissing in a urinal. I’m not joking. Ladies, you may not realize it, but the number of guy’s that have this fear is so significant that I’d feel very confident in saying at one point in your life, you’ve probably dated a guy like this...hell, you might be dating one right now. How does that make you feel?

I actually have about five or six good guy friends that absolutely refuse to belly up and introduce Mr. Johnson to Miss Urinal Cakes. Unbelievable.

So the reason I call it “Ballpark Disease” is because at certain baseball parks around the country the urinals in the men’s room are actually one long, continuous trough mounted about two or three feet off of the floor and running along the wall. No dividers, no walls, no “plash guards. Just you and your “little friend” exposed to a room full of sweaty, drunk guys. Great picture, right? If you’re a dude that can’t normally piss in a regular urinal with something separating you from the next guy, the trough is your worst nightmare...thus Ballpark Disease.

What does this have to do with gay dudes in the bathroom? Nothing really, but if you’re a woman, who's wondering about how big the guy you're dating is, I’d suggest you find if he has Ballpark Disease. I'm not saying that there might be a correlations, but chances are if he's conscious about pissing around other dudes, he probably has some other self-confidence issues as well.

NYCDG