Numbers Game
I was out the other night and saw a couple that were obviously on one of their firsts dates. It became apparent that they were both pretty into each other, holding hands across the table and looking into each others eyes. Hold on while I pull the barf bag out of the seat in front of me. Anyway, as I was sitting there watching these two ogle over each other, I couldn’t help but think that this was all fun and games until they had “the talk.” You know “the talk.” That awkward moment, usually after sex when you’re laying there and she asks “baby...how many women have you slept with?” BAM! There it is. And once it’s out there, there’s no going back.
Now admit it, you’re curious about the answer to that question too, but guys just avoid the situation completely. Let’s be honest, no good can come from asking it, so why bother? Nevertheless, if you’re seeing someone for any significant period of time, the question will eventually rear it’s ugly head. Now as a guy, there’s one major reason not to freak out when you hear how many dudes your girl has given the proverbial ride to: she’s lying. Seriously, I mean doesn’t everyone?
No worries though, I’ve developed a formula that will get you within a few dudes of your girl’s true number. The formula goes something like this:
D = 1 + SQ + 2SQ + (SQ/2)^2
Simplified to
D = 1 + 3SQ + (SQ/2)^2
Where SQ = (CA-V)/3
The above terms are defined as:
D = dicks
SQ = sexual quotient
CA = current age
V = age at which she lost her virginity
This formula represents the culmination of years of research and is all based on the Sexual Quotient (SQ), which is essentially the number of years it’s been since your girl lost her virginity divided by three. The three is an estimation which when applied to the years since her virginity will give you the average number of long term relationships (over six months) she’s been in since that time. The “1" at the beginning of the equation represents that lucky fuck that took your girls virginity.
For all of you non math types, let me walk you through the reasoning behind this formula. For simplicity, assume that your girl is 30 years old and that she lost her virginity at 18, giving her a Sexual Quotient of four, meaning that she’s probably been in about four long term relationships since that fateful day (again this is an estimation). Since she’s dating you, those previous relationships did not work out, which also means that she’s been through the “I just broke up with my boyfriend and I can fuck anything that moves” phase. So let’s assume that each time during this phase she fucked an average of two guys. Finally, you have to account for those times when she’s not in rebound mode, but just needs sex and makes the late night “game time decision” as the bars are closing. This last part of the equation also accounts for the occasional ill- fated fuck buddy that everyone tries and never works out because one of the two “friends” usually develops feelings for the other (which is the reason you square the term).
OK, so according to the formula, you should think that you’re 30 year old girlfriend has probably been with about 17 dudes. Yeah, that’s right 17. If she tells you “four”, she’s either lying, fat, ugly or a combination of the three.
I like to think of this formula as a baseline from which to start. If it turns out that the number is less, you’re stoked. If it’s higher, well maybe you’re girl is a little slutty. Hey, life could be worse right?
So see guys, no reason at all to ask “the question.” All you have to do now is do your best to talk around the question when it’s asked of you and if worse come to worse, just lie...hell, you already know how many dudes she’s been with.
NYCDG
Now admit it, you’re curious about the answer to that question too, but guys just avoid the situation completely. Let’s be honest, no good can come from asking it, so why bother? Nevertheless, if you’re seeing someone for any significant period of time, the question will eventually rear it’s ugly head. Now as a guy, there’s one major reason not to freak out when you hear how many dudes your girl has given the proverbial ride to: she’s lying. Seriously, I mean doesn’t everyone?
No worries though, I’ve developed a formula that will get you within a few dudes of your girl’s true number. The formula goes something like this:
D = 1 + SQ + 2SQ + (SQ/2)^2
Simplified to
D = 1 + 3SQ + (SQ/2)^2
Where SQ = (CA-V)/3
The above terms are defined as:
D = dicks
SQ = sexual quotient
CA = current age
V = age at which she lost her virginity
This formula represents the culmination of years of research and is all based on the Sexual Quotient (SQ), which is essentially the number of years it’s been since your girl lost her virginity divided by three. The three is an estimation which when applied to the years since her virginity will give you the average number of long term relationships (over six months) she’s been in since that time. The “1" at the beginning of the equation represents that lucky fuck that took your girls virginity.
For all of you non math types, let me walk you through the reasoning behind this formula. For simplicity, assume that your girl is 30 years old and that she lost her virginity at 18, giving her a Sexual Quotient of four, meaning that she’s probably been in about four long term relationships since that fateful day (again this is an estimation). Since she’s dating you, those previous relationships did not work out, which also means that she’s been through the “I just broke up with my boyfriend and I can fuck anything that moves” phase. So let’s assume that each time during this phase she fucked an average of two guys. Finally, you have to account for those times when she’s not in rebound mode, but just needs sex and makes the late night “game time decision” as the bars are closing. This last part of the equation also accounts for the occasional ill- fated fuck buddy that everyone tries and never works out because one of the two “friends” usually develops feelings for the other (which is the reason you square the term).
OK, so according to the formula, you should think that you’re 30 year old girlfriend has probably been with about 17 dudes. Yeah, that’s right 17. If she tells you “four”, she’s either lying, fat, ugly or a combination of the three.
I like to think of this formula as a baseline from which to start. If it turns out that the number is less, you’re stoked. If it’s higher, well maybe you’re girl is a little slutty. Hey, life could be worse right?
So see guys, no reason at all to ask “the question.” All you have to do now is do your best to talk around the question when it’s asked of you and if worse come to worse, just lie...hell, you already know how many dudes she’s been with.
NYCDG
posted by NYC Drunk Guy at 12:34 AM
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