Shuckin' the Charmin

I masturbate a lot. No surprise there, it's just something that guys do, right? Evidently I masturbate more than most guys…at least this is what my current fuck buddy tells me. She’s not the jealous type (which is great because I’m not either), but she does point out that she could come over and do that for me whenever I’d like. It’s not really about that though. What a lot of girls don’t understand is that guys like spending quality time with their penises. We like throwing on some porn, lubing up and shuckin’the Charmin…you know, play a little solo with the skin flute, choking the one-eyed trouser snake or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

Problem is that I have a very high sex drive, so even when I’m getting it on a regular basis – and I am getting it on a regular basis – I still want more. In fact, it’s not rare for me to rub one out immediately after a girl leaves my apartment in the morning…and after we’ve already had a few morning rounds. It’s not that she wasn’t good or didn’t satisfy me, it’s more that I have fresh mental masturbation material and want to use it.

Here’s a recent conversation between my fuck buddy and I about the topic of masturbation.

karen: i'm a little hot all the time though
Nycdrunkguy1: yeah me too
Nycdrunkguy1: i rarely pass a woman that i don't wonder what it would be like to fuck her
karen: i don’t necessarily do that
karen: so much as just want a firm cock in my pussy most days
Nycdrunkguy1: of course you do...that's hot
karen: i rarely imagine men naked
karen: i just get wet and tight
karen: and ready
Nycdrunkguy1: when does that happen though?
karen: all the time
karen: sometimes at work
karen: riding the train
karen: at the gym all the time
Nycdrunkguy1: what triggers it?
karen: i have no idea
karen: nothing really
karen: sometimes i have a little nerve spasm down there
karen: fucking awful
karen: i want to just tear off my pants and ride someone
Nycdrunkguy1: holy shit
Nycdrunkguy1: i just see a hot chick and want to fuck her
karen: oh no
karen: mine is worse
karen: haha
Karen: being a girl though, you dont get off as easily
Nycdrunkguy1: i can see how that would be the case
Nycdrunkguy1: i'll just go into a bathroom and jerk it or something
karen: really?
karen: i cant do that very easily
Nycdrunkguy1: yeah, i've jerked it in just about every place imaginable
karen: haha
karen: wow
Nycdrunkguy1: flying always gets me horny
Nycdrunkguy1: i jerk it in the bathroom of airplanes all the time
karen: wow
karen: i'd like to do it in the bathroom of an airplane
karen: so small though
Nycdrunkguy1: yeah it is
Nycdrunkguy1: can't really explain why i get so horny in a plane
karen: tight spaces, flight attendants
Nycdrunkguy1: yeah i think that's exactly it
Nycdrunkguy1: and the fact that you're 30,000 feet in the air
Nycdrunkguy1: i've fucked in a train bathroom before
Nycdrunkguy1: from Paris to Madrid
Nycdrunkguy1: i've jerked it in a library too
karen: oh my god
karen: ridiculous
Nycdrunkguy1: while driving in my car even
karen: i've given head in the car
Nycdrunkguy1: well yeah, i've got that too
karen: now i want to fuck
karen: ahhh
Nycdrunkguy1: damn, i'm sorry you’re so far away
karen: haha it's ok
karen: that's what vibrators are for
Nycdrunkguy1: trying to think where else i've jerked it
karen: it's so easy for you
Nycdrunkguy1: i've jerked it in a bathroom of the Trump building before
karen: you are insane
Nycdrunkguy1: you know, maybe i should make that a new thing
karen: where can you jerk it?
Nycdrunkguy1: yeah
Nycdrunkguy1: i saw an AM New York article a few months back about a group of people that had a drink in all five boroughs in one day, using the subway system to go from borough to borough
karen: you'd have a jerk in all five?
Nycdrunkguy1: I’m thinking i should pick a place in each of the boroughs and jerk it in one day
karen: why not fuck in all five
Nycdrunkguy1: that could work too, but there would be an innate sense of pride and personally accomplishment knowing that I had successfully completed the five-borough jerk in one day
karen: haha
karen: you are too much
Nycdrunkguy1: that would be great, so say i jerked it in all 5 boroughs in one day
Nycdrunkguy1: how many people could say that?
karen: haha
karen: not many
karen: i'll be so proud of you
Nycdrunkguy1: the five borough jerk....i'm totally going to plan this out now
karen: it's late
karen: i should go to bed
karen: good luck planning your five borough jerk
Nycdrunkguy1: thanks
karen: night
Nycdrunkguy1: night

I am planning the Great NYC 5 Borough Jerk-a-thon and yes, I will be writing about it afterwards. In case you were wondering if I have the stamina to endure such a challenge, my one-day jerk record currently stands at 11. That’s right, eleven times in one calendar day…now bring on the boroughs!

Cheers,

NYCDG